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John Gottman introduced the concept that a foundationally secure partnership is like a house. It has weight-bearing walls and levels that each person builds upon to create a sturdy bond. It all begins on the firm foundation of knowing each other. In the first level of the Sound Relationship House, partners build what Dr. What are their likes and dislikes? Did they have a happy childhood? How do they prefer to relax after a tense day? Building Love Maps means asking the right questions to learn more about your partner.
In an ideal relationship, you and your partner know each other better than anyone else. Everyone needs to hear something nice about themselves, and it means the most when it comes from your partner. Sharing fondness and admiration sounds like vocalizing the characteristics that you appreciate. In healthy relationships, you can articulate the big and little reasons you love your partner. Consistently turning away or worst yet, turning against a bid spells disaster for any relationship.
So, when your partner rushes out the door and forgets to kiss you goodbye, a Positive Perspective means that you give your partner the benefit of the doubt that they were absentmindedly preoccupied rather than intentionally negligent. Second, whether problems are solvable or perpetual , you dialogue about them. Third, when you feel yourself getting heated during an argument, self-soothing such as taking a walk or taking deep breaths will help you remain calm.
The beauty of good companionship is that you have someone who will not only encourage you in your goals but also help you reach them. This level can look like coming up with a plan to pay off debt brought into the partnership or being supportive of them going back to school. Making life dreams come true shows that you want the best possible life for your partner and you are willing to do what it takes to make that happen. The top of the Sound Relationship House functions much like its foundation of Love Maps, except on this level, you build and understand an inner world as a couple.
The Gottmans think of it as developing a culture of symbols and rituals that express who you are as a team. It can be as simple as getting pizza from the place you both love every Friday night and as intricate as the unique way you celebrate birthdays. These Rituals of Connection define you as a unit, and you create them together. In a healthy, supportive relationship, two people make the decision to have faith in each other and stick together.
They freely love one another and pledge to help that love grow. The Sound Relationship House is a foundational theory of The Gottman Institute, and you can learn more with the Gottman Relationship Coach , where the Gottmans break down each level and give examples. It is our mission to reach out to individuals, couples, and families in order to help create and maintain greater love and health in relationships.
Search for:. So what is the Sound Relationship House exactly? Here is an overview floor by floor.The sound relationship house questionnaires
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Gottman Sound Relationship House Questionnaires