Added: Jenise Bewley - Date: 23.11.2021 01:20 - Views: 48456 - Clicks: 9162
It will give that piece, in addition to many of the pieces here on MBSB some context. Regardless, this is the current culture of Buriram and the culture I have resided in, in one shape or form for a of years. Please note, I have been witness to some distinct similarities of views coming from people of other regions. In my attempt to understand the world I live in, current patterns began to arise. What perhaps I once thought were biases of the individual, or simply, their personal world view, were repeated over time, be it via conversations with other people or the actions of those around me…the pieces over the years are starting to fit together.
The following is my attempt to present them to you accurately. Thai relationships in the most basic of terms:. The person you are in a serious relationship with, with promise of a future. For example, a future spouse or your current one. The one you bring to family functions. Your partner in the face of the community. The person you are in a casual relationship with, with no promise of a future.
There is mutual acceptance of this. This is not secluded to being a hook-up for sex, although it can be only that. Oftentimes, giks are treated much like a fen, without the expectation of a future i. How is your wife? We hug every day. Hugging is sort of serious out here, but compared to Western notions of a hook up, his comment, in my opinion, displays what I would consider a certain innocence to the term.
I fully understand or I think I do the nature of gik relationships when they resemble casual sexual relationships in the West. Currently, I feel gik is a word used to express what I would consider a of situations that may not be considered similar in the West.
It does not simply mean friend. Most pubescent and post pubescent Thais have a fen, particularly those in smaller communities. In my opinion, I will also extend this to those male and female who are cunning enough to have more than one. Oftentimes people will have more than one fen openly, oftentimes not.
Men are more open about this whilst women tend to hide the fact. Giks are sort of an added bonus with no longevity. Fluid in a way. Oftentimes Thais will not live in the same city as their fen, even after marriage. This opens up the possibility of having many fens around the country or in many countries.
For example, a man from the country may work in Bangkok to support his family. He will have a fen in Bangkok and one in the country. Neither will know of one another. In addition, his wife will generally not have one where she lives particularly if it is a small community, unfaithfulness in women is frowned upon , but may have one for example, in the city her sister resides in, and where she regularly visits i.
Khon Kaen. If the man or woman moves to work in another city or meets a Foreigner…. They would only be angry if they found out about them. Women have repeatedly expressed to me that Thai men are only interested in sex. Being alone, in any sense is uncommon in Thai culture. Many Thais grow up living and sleeping in the same room as their family i. When people leave for college or work, you may easily find four people of the same sex living in a small studio room that many people in the West barely see fit for one person. You will see three people sleep in a double bed.
You rarely see Thais doing anything social alone, be it shopping, eating, anything really. To be seen alone often elicits suspect or sympathy. What is considered co-dependent in modern Western culture is often the norm of relationships here. It is very normal for a fen to call their fen multiple times a day i. For a of reasons, white women are exalted and feared. It is a form of respect. An exchange, if you will. This aside from being considered loose means poor men can have sex with us. I have and suspect will continue to speak to Thai women who are married to Western men, who have lived in tourist areas, who have been prostitutes even, who look down on Western women, most notably white women and have no idea about us.
We may be exalted in our beauty, but far too often for my liking, we are viewed as objects at best, vile excuses of humanity at worst. There is so much more lending to all of this. I have eyes that are sometimes hazel, sometimes green. I have a straight, fine-boned, classically Italian nose. My face is small. My lips are neither thin nor large. They are pink. My hair is a caramel brown with blonde highlights. All of these characteristics are listed because they are considered beautiful in modern Thai culture, less my backside.
They are characteristics that have been commented on by both men and women. They are also a reflection of what I see in Thai media there are no dark skinned models here. I know women who smile when they speak to me, but host malice in their eyes. Living in Thailand has helped me identify jealousy in women and shyness to the point of fear in men. I have been single for most of my stay in Thailand. Let me put it to you another way. I eat alone. I go to the market alone. I train in the mornings alone.
I get my hair done alone. I do errands alone. I go to festivals alone. I sleep alone….. Guys I know seem to avoid being alone in public with me. Many of them are really shy. Some I suspect are also really shy. Some people of course, are just busy and have their own lives and limited time. There are also language and perceived language barriers. There is also the fact I have a demanding training schedule, I rarely drink and have a hard time eating out because of my allergies. If I go out in public with a Thai guy, specifically alone, it is assumed we are having sex together.
Remember, most men are in relationships and the stereotype of white women is that we love to give it up to most takers. In addition, people seem to love to gossip out here. Let me give you a classic example of a night out for me…. Sometimes one of my Thai male friends will call from a popular club and ask if I want to come hang out.
He could be at the bar with a mix of men and women or just men, never with his fen. She lives in another city and she is not from this one. Normally I say yes. Usually he will send another mutual male friend, to come pick me up on his motorbike. Rather, he drives outside the city, then comes back in near the club and drives in the back entrance.
There is freedom. Outside of it, I seem to have to be hidden. His girlfriend lives in another city, but he may have something on the side here. Should this happen in the U. I have seen a Thai woman bitchslap the man she was with in public for looking at me.
There are a lot of instances I suspect to have forgotten. I have been warned by a kind older couple that should a Thai woman come in my direction looking angry and carrying a glass that looks filled with water, to run. Perhaps she will throw acid on my face. Should I steal one, they will potentially lose their financial security, depending on the nature of their relationshp — fen or gik this can get complicated. They will also have lost a great deal of face in the community and consequentially so will their man. Despicable to many.
And on the flipside, fantasized by many. White women are also status symbols for Thai men to sleep with. They tend to provide incredible bragging rights. I feel much more comfortable with the men and women old enough to be my mother and seem to be able to make conversation easily with them.
Allow me to illustrate…. I have been in a situation where I was in a group of people and a Thai woman was speaking on the phone to a few Foreign men in the presence of her Thai boyfriend, and he had no idea what was going on. There are of course people who are outside of this. I believe she went home barefoot. To note, her sister lives abroad and married a European whom she met overseas. I suspect this may also lend to her treatment of me. She has a better understanding of what goes on in our countries.
Essentially, perhaps she re me for who she percieves me to be as an individual. She sees me, not a white female Farang. Not everything is in extremes, not everyone buys into the stereotypes. In essence, that which if I had known, or at the very least would have considered a possibility years ago, I suspect my time here would have been easier.
Some people tried to explain and warn me of some of these things years ago, and ironically at the time, I dismissed what they told me as bias. Shama Kern has written a series on Thai relationships from the perspective of a Western man living in Thailand. I highly recommend it. After a six month adventure training Muay Thai in Thailand in , Laura Dal Farra returned to her native Canada, sold most of what she owned, and boarded a plane set for Bangkok alone.
She spent the next 3. Realizing little was being written on the subject, she began to blog about it. Laura Dal Farra is the founder of Milk. Thanks for a really interesting read. For example, I once let a trainer give me a hug, which sparked a massive reaction from everyone else at the gym.
I quickly regretted that.. I completely understand your perspective regarding taking relationships seriously over here. There are a few reasons lending to this. A lot of your experiences remind me of vibes I have picked up on right here in the U. I am considered to many to be attractive, on a good hair day, haha. Frequently I am percieved as a threat by people.Physical intimacy in thai dating culture
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