Added: Kenitra Nawrocki - Date: 12.04.2022 10:02 - Views: 18798 - Clicks: 9399
Last year, I caught my husband on a dating site - actually, it was a swingers' or 'lifestyle' site. At the time, we were recently engaged and I thought very happy. He'd also arranged hookups. He reacted angrily at first, almost blaming me, but was later very remorseful. I tried to believe him at the time and as there were no other issues in the relationship, we decided to stay together. Six months later we got married. But now, just under a year into our marriage, I feel increasingly paranoid - constantly checking his phone.
I love my husband so much and otherwise our relationship is great. We are talking about how I feel and my husband insists he loves me. Discovering something like this quite apart from making sense of it is highly challenging. You look on his phone and find nothing, but the doubts remain. So firstly, checking his phone is completely pointless. If he wants to continue getting in touch with swingers, he will find a way of doing that. So my recommendation is that you stop policing him and instead, start talking about what happened differently.
Sex is no different. The trick is to try and understand what all of this is really about. From your perspective, the worst scenario might be that he secretly wanted to have multiple partners, run away from your relationship and not care how bereft you were or what happened to you. There is always lots of pain and fear, often accompanied by a sense of betrayal. These are all completely understandable feelings. Many people fantasise about sexual situations. For some, it stays solely in their head. Others dabble a little and take the fantasy to another level.
Occasionally they do hook up with others who share similar tastes, and yes, sometimes this does lead to relationships breaking down. Often though, the process of getting in touch with others is to satisfy a nagging concern that they may not be attractive, desirable or even likable. Sometimes too, it can be about wanting to get in touch with a part of themselves that they think a partner would ridicule or be revolted by.
The curious thing about all this is that they often compartmentalise this side of themselves from everything else in their lives, including their partner. It not unusual to find that someone had almost developed a second persona, known only to themselves. But I am inviting you to think together about how you connect sexually and emotionally, instead of rehashing the actual events. I am struck by your comment that apart from this everything in the relationship is great. To be honest, I do find that quite hard to believe because what is central to everything is your lack of trust.
This can only begin to recover if you start sharing things at a deeper level. Yes, you can continue to check his phone but eventually, this will reduce you both to a frazzle. Instead, this really needs to be a t enterprise to work out if there are areas in your own relationship that need attention. No one made him do this. All of this needs talking about together. Some couples can work this out, but in my experience it nearly always ends in tears for one of them.
Then you will have big decisions to make. Having said that though, many people have a dabble and having done so, find that other things are more important. I suspect this is where your husband is at now. So, you have some choices here. If you have a relationship worry you would like some help with, please send it to askammanda relate.
Ask Ammanda: I caught my husband on a dating site.My bf is on a dating website
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“I caught my partner on a dating app!”