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You said there are two things that make a good first message: noticing what I have in common with a girl, then starting a conversation about it. Great question, Tony! Girls love when you ask us questions. But it can also be more complicated than that. Online dating is a little like gaming. Writing a message and getting a girl to reply is the final battle with the boss.
Unfortunately, many guys try to message a bunch of girls, instead of just the ones who are the best matches. Look for girls with common interests, shared beliefs, and similar goals. Those girls are much more likely to respond to you because you are a good fit. And a girl like that will appreciate that you took the time to read her profile, notice what you have in common, and ask her questions about those things, creating a solid connection.
Girls are tired of getting messages from guys who compliment our looks, but have nothing to say about the rest of our profiles. Those messages are shallow and meaningless — the online equivalent of getting dry-humped by douche bags in a club.
This is excellent because Miles:. How are you? I never reply to these messages because they bug the shit out of me. A great first message jumps past pointless questions and right into specific questions. For example: say you and a girl are both snowboarders. To achieve this, you have to ask her questions. The questions are the gas. As a rule of thumb, ask one or two questions. Some guys make the mistake of firing off a long list of questions about a whole range of topics.
This is overwhelming to girls. This is simple and effective. It works because Scott picked something from my profile that he was truly curious about, explained why he was curious, and therefore established a common interest in cooking. Worked on me. Your first message should make a simple introduction, express your interest in her profile, ask one or two long-game questions about things you share in common, and then simply -off with your name.
A couple lines, or a paragraph or two is great. When guys write a lot more, they come on too strong. Leave us wanting more. With your first message, your goal is to make us want to continue talking to you. Look for spelling and grammatical errors these are deal-breakers to some girls. Now, if you want all of that condensed down, a good first message is easy to write when you know what kind of message girls want to get. To surpass them, all you need to do is make an effort. Another vote in his favor. It probably took him two minutes to write.
Finally a guy who knows how to talk to a girl. And… Reply. You must be logged in to post a comment. How to Write a Great First Message. By Em. Hey Em, You said there are two things that make a good first message: noticing what I have in common with a girl, then starting a conversation about it. The key — and the best way to start a conversation — is to ask a question. But you also have one big advantage. We want you to win the battle.
Focus on quality, not quantity. Girls see through this. We get so many of those lazy mass-messages that we just ignore them. Compliment common interests and personality — not looks. Like this first message example:. This is a great message for three reasons: 1 Miles le with a compliment to my personality, rather than my face. Start a conversation. Keep it simple. This guy does a nice job asking an easy question based on stuff we both like:. Keep it short. Re-read what you wrote. And send. Girls want you to do two things: 1 Notice what we have in common.
All it took was three short sentences for this guy to stand out in my inbox. Em is an online dating consultant specializing in practical, actionable advice for leveling up your profile, photos, messaging, and mindset. Since , she's helped thousands of men improve their online dating , and her insight has been featured on Lifehacker, Thought Catalog, and numerous podcasts.
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Sending the Perfect First Message in Online Dating