How to deal with a new relationship

Added: Halim Segers - Date: 28.09.2021 14:20 - Views: 20246 - Clicks: 7602

When I was younger, I assumed that when I found the ideal person for me and was in my ideal relationship, it was going to be easy, and I was going to feel comfortable and safe all the time. I have come to learn, through countless emotional outbursts, anxious moments, doubt-filled thoughts, hard conversations, and extreme emotional discomfort, that my belief of the ideal relationship was pretty misguided. When I met my boyfriend, I knew he was what I had been searching for. He was open, loving, honest, kind, caring, and funny, and his spirit just sparkled through his eyes.

However, I was nervous. I would keep track of how many hours he was away and would share how hard it was for me to trust him. We would talk openly about my feelings and issues because I never blamed him or asked him to change his actions. I just knew that I had to communicate what was going on for me in order to sort out my feelings and for us to be able to work together on healing.

Our conversations and my fears would bring things up for him, as well—emotions and fears from his past and how he felt controlled and supressed by me now. I have grown to realize that all relationships have stages. When we meet someone new and begin spending time with them, these stages can seem scary and can inflict doubt. I hope to shed some light on these stages and help you feel more comfortable with experiencing them for yourself. The first stage in most new relationships is bliss!

We are perfect, the other person is perfect, and the relationship just flows. You make time for one another however you can, you communicate with each other constantly, and it just feels easy. I found them! My person. I can rest. Even with my anxiety and fear, I managed to feel this with my boyfriend. We talked every day. We each put forth equal effort to get to know one another, and I was open and loving toward any part of his behavior.

I had patience, understanding, and joy in getting to know his quirks, thoughts, and patterns, and he had seemingly limitless energy to listen to me, talk to me, and sympathize with my emotions. Not at all.

You know the one. This seems to be the perfect time for our fear to kick in. This is what happed in my relationship. My emotional triggers went crazy, and all of a sudden my past fears of emotional and physical abandonment kicked in. I no longer felt emotionally stable, relaxed, or happy. And I wondered all the time why things had changed.

Was it something I did wrong? Did I expect too much? Was I being completely unreasonable, or did I just have too much baggage? The appearance of this fear is a natural, necessary step in any relationship, though, and we need to embrace it rather than run away from it. Can we talk about this a bit?

Every time I felt upset I had to force myself to bring up my fear of our relationship ending, fear of being abandoned, and fear that we would never connect on a deep level. The fear is there as a message. By owning our stuff, we are taking care of our own healing, and this is what keeps our past from damaging the relationship in the future. The best part is that we get to see how our partners handle this as well. Our relationships need this stage and this shift from the easy, wonderful bliss, because without it, our bonds would never grow.

If things are easy all the time, where is the room for true, deep intimacy? How do we learn to truly support our ificant others, and ourselves, if we never experience pain, anxiety, anger, or annoyance? And the truth is there are deeper, richer, more intimate layers to us as humans and to our relationships. Once you have opened your heart and begun communication around your fear, a small amount of vulnerability has been introduced into the relationship, and there is room for your partner to do the same.

There is room for you to grow together. If we wait for the problem to just go away, we essentially keep the cycle of anxiety, doubt, and tension going, because our actions, words, and energy reflect our uneasiness in the relationship. I opened up to my partner two weeks into dating about my anxiety, fears, and panicked thoughts about seeming needy and wanting too much. I told him I was scared I was going to push him away. When I opened up and took responsibility for my feelings, it brought us closer together. Acknowledging my anxiety without expecting him to change anything diffused the tension within our relationship, and I believe this is why we are still together today.

Stay connected to yourself and speak your truth—the whole, messy, amazing truth. Let your partner see the whole you, quirks and all, and enjoy taking your walls down together, brick by brick. She is passionate about helping single, professional women create clear, simple goals that will guide them towards loving themselves and being excited about dating and relationships. up to receive her free blog updates and special Access Love Video and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

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How to deal with a new relationship

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