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D o you pay more attention to Facebook and your smartphone than to your husband? Have you been avoiding sex? Do you hide big purchases from your partner? These behaviors hurt your marriage. Here are the 9 worst relationship mistakes and how to start fixing them today Addiction to anything Addiction on any level — social media, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping or gambling — can sour a marriage fast.
So stop, and think about what you really value and how your addictive behavior is affecting your relationship, Bahar recommends. You must first want help and then pursue counseling. An over-reliance on social media also puts a crimp on your time together as a couple. Tessina, Ph. Intimacy is the glue that holds a union together. Not in the mood? Your attitude toward your spouse may be the problem. Gretchen Rubin, author of the bestseller, The Happiness Project Harper Paperbacks , upped the romance factor in her own marriage by focusing on the positive in her spouse. Her advice: Try concentrating for a month on all the things you love about your husband.
Men and women experience health and mental benefits from orgasms and from healthy physical touch, many studies have shown. A hug lasting 10 seconds or more lowers blood pressure and releases the feel-good hormone oxytocin while levels of stress hormones decrease, according to a study of men and women ages conducted by the Centre for Brain Research at the Medical University of Vienna.
So go ahead and cuddle. Not communicating Does every conversation turn into a fight? Try these other 9 communication tricks. What holds us back? Blame bad patterns we saw in our families growing up, such as conflict avoidance, fear of how your husband will respond, unresolved traumas and more. She suggests this exercise: Sit down facing each other. One partner makes a statement while the other simply listens — without responding — and then repeats what he or she said.
Sometimes, Shinbaum says, this exercise takes as many as 10 tries before the listening partner gets what the other was expressing. Women have an especially difficult time stating their needs, Bahar notes. You may find it easier if you ask yourself, How does my request serve our relationship as a couple? Consider how a more peaceful, rejuvenated you makes a better a partner for your husband. Treating your husband like the enemy Having a bad day? He found that contempt, criticism and defensiveness ultimately lead to divorce.
These negative attitudes creep into marriage when we get frustrated with each other — usually by unrealistic, idealistic expectations, ideas, and myths about marriage, says Terri L. Orbuch, Ph. Learn about more surprising benefits of being well rested. Seeing red when it comes to the green stuff Love of money may be the root of all evil, but arguing over it is the root of many marriage woes. Squabbling over money is the top predictor of divorce, according to a study from Kansas State University.
Couples tend to use harsher language when arguing about money and take longer to recover from the conflict, the study of more than 4, couples found. Researchers recommended that financial planning be part of marital counseling and that couples share their credit reports before marrying. Are you keeping money secrets? Are you struggling over how the money is spent or saved?
Financial planning is important for a happy marriage. So talk openly about your shared financial picture. Here are some tips from the NEFE:. Letting someone come between you and your spouse Even if you're close to your parents and siblings, draw a line when it comes to your priorities. That includes spilling private information to your family about your husband or marriage or siding with them over him.
If your families have different styles and traditions, negotiate with each other first, then present a united front. Maybe you spend all your free time with friends or willingly put in long hours at work. Is your spouse dropping hints about how he wishes you were around more? Take that hint. Be careful to not neglect your husband in favor of your child. Children get security from seeing their parents get along, says Mark Meyers, a d clinical social worker in Crystal Lake, Ill. Get tips to avoid a sexless marriage after you have children.
Not fighting fair Do you spend more time complaining about an issue than working to resolve it? You and your spouse will inevitably have some differences. The way you settle those differences can either solidify — or tear down — your relationship. Watch your tone and timing.
Validate your spouse by acknowledging the points you agree upon and practicing reflective listening, he suggests. When something bothers you, ask yourself how important the issue really is, Tessina recommends. She suggests these fighting-fair guidelines:. Researchers analyzed videotaped interactions of more than 80 middle-aged and older heterosexual couples, focusing on how they recovered from disagreements.
Marriages in which wives took the lead on stating the problem and offering solutions after disputes were ultimately shown to be happier, both in the short and long run. Your husband looks to you to fulfill those needs. But in the crush of your busy life, you can sometimes swoop past an opportunity to pay a sincere compliment or offer to take care of a task you know he hates.
In fact, a UC Berkeley study tracked 50 couples who wrote for a week in appreciation journals about their spouses. Those who felt more appreciated were more likely to reciprocate the following day by writing how much they appreciated their spouse. More importantly: Couples who demonstrated continuing reciprocal appreciation were less likely to break up in the next nine months and stated that they were more committed at the end of that time frame. Establish little rituals like kissing him hello in the morning and kissing each other good night, therapist Shinbaum says.
Health Topics. Health Tools. Emotional Health. By Emily Novak and Echo Garrett. Reviewed: November 15, Do you see the bills each month? Approach your partner about your concerns in a nonthreatening manner. Once the cards are on the table, agree on a plan moving forward.
Check in with each other to sustain your transparency. Here are five must-haves for an effective apology.Housewives wants casual sex Bliss Corner
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