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It is no news that infidelity is one of the top contributors to marriage failures. Going by several indications, history inclusive, cheating is hardly a new trend. People have been stepping out on their partners since time immemorial. Nevertheless, something seems to have changed about the reception of infidelity in recent times. For many women, this shot is contingent upon the assurance that the affair was a mistake. Find out below. In any relationship, one mistress is more of a threat than multiple ones. When a married man cheats with different women, his wife can easily chalk up the issue to being unable to keep it in his pants.
The ladies he sleeps with mean little more to him than a means to an end. However, it als something more when he keeps going back to the same woman repeatedly. Ironically, it might mean he doesn't mind managing two relationships just so he is sexually satisfied. However, it could also mean he has seen whatever he is looking for in her and has chosen to commit. For instance, the man may consider some days of the week fair game, yet try to keep up with standing traditions like date nights.
Whether out of respect for their wives or love for their children, men usually tend to compartmentalize well enough to keep their business with the other woman separate from vital family time. However, if your husband does love his mistress, everything else, including what used to matter the most, becomes secondary. Her convenience becomes his purpose, even if that means rearranging his entire schedule and churning out excuses for missing the important stuff.
Regardless of his best efforts, a married man tends to distance himself emotionally from his wife once things begin to get serious with his mistress. As far as indicators go, this one is quite reliable because it is hard to fake , and with no other stuff going on with him, equally hard to excuse. Men who are only in it for physical reasons would never neglect their duties at home, they tend to notice and fix the gap at home as their interest in their lover begins to diminish.
However, if the distance goes on for too long, and she remains the only object of his affection, then what is going on between them is most likely more than just sex. Married men cheat for different reasons , but more often than not, they do it because they miss the passion that the relationship has lost.
Many of them have stability at home, but they still want the best of both worlds. This means that for most, the mistress is really not much more than an exciting new person that makes them feel attractive and virile again. Once the limerence begins to wear off, she becomes another routine in his life, in which case he changes her like a piece of clothing or sees her less.
Like all investments, emotional ones yield too. As he grows more loyal and committed to the other woman, your marriage suffers neglect. When conversations with you deteriorate at home, it is likely because your man is building from scratch with someone else. For many cheating husbands, their affection for the other woman is often with a conditional clause. The point is, the spouse factor has always been the thing that keeps many of them in check. Unfortunately, this only holds when the man in question still has some level of respect for his wife , or when the husband stands to lose if his wife finds out.
In this case, he still makes a conscious effort to keep you in the dark. From the movies, we all know one of the perks of being a mistress, especially to a rich man, is the unending stream of gifts, mostly jewelry. If money is what this other lady is after, she appreciates the gesture and treats him well. So, if as a wife, the usual unexplained payments on your t credit card goes from bracelets and necklaces to more practical stuff. The audacity of some guys in this life knows no bounds. This may be hard to believe, but there are those who actively try to make their wives and their lovers get along.
He may start by introducing her into your life as a friend or co-worker. If you happen to not like her probably because something about her feels off , he will try to convince you until you start to see her good side.
And if it happens that you and the other woman hit it off immediately, then better for him. When you love someone, you want to bring them in on the stuff that matters the most to you. In fact, his whole reason for starting with you could be just to get to the kids without you standing in the way.
It shows he already has des on replacing you with her, and it would be better to have his children on board. Recent events in your marriage notwithstanding, as long as your children are his, their opinion probably means a great deal to him. War has nothing on the kind of strategizing that goes on in the head of a married man in love with another woman.
When he realizes that she means more to him than a booty call, the next piece on the board is figuring out how to make her a more visible part of his life. In order to minimize the fallout from his decision, he tries to do things gradually as one drastic step could have a domino effect, and ruin everything. To this end, he starts by introducing her to his friends during hangouts, to slowly get them acquainted. From there, he might graduate to taking her as his date to work functions, if he can get away with it.
Then he proceeds to the next phase, inviting her to extended family events, where he introduces her as a friend at first. He could be away on a business trip for months without so much as checking in, but when he gets back, he comes with a little apology in a jewelry box.
Bringing it up or trying to have a conversation only drives him further away. On the rare occasion that you two get intimate, you can feel the guilt oozing out of him like someone who has just betrayed his partner. These are indicators that his loyalty lies where his heart is, and you bear the title of partner in name only.
It is not uncommon for guys to throw their mistresses under the bus when found out. Some do it to save their marriage, others do in a pathetic bid to shift the blame away from themselves, but not a man in love.
Being able to maintain a relationship and have another lady at the side boosts the self-esteem of many guys. In a situation like this, you will notice that your husband will conveniently leave personal details that might lead you in anger at his paramour out of his confession. He would do anything to keep her safe and her reputation intact, even if that means he has to sacrifice your marriage, because of the way he feels around her. Can a man love his mistress and still not mind her being with other men? Maybe, but not most men. Despite being in a whole marriage themselves, married guys, like their single counterparts, prefer their women to just be theirs.
The thing about mistresses is that they are regular women like you and me, not some she-devils in leather with horns. While you may not see what they have with your husband as anything more than a dirty affair, those who are committed make sacrifices to make it work too. Just like in a regular relationship, when their feelings are mutual, she would probably go to any length to make him happy. If that means staying single for him, then so be it unless she is also married. All the points above speak to the effect that you know your husband is having an affair either because he told you or you figured it out on your own.
Once the cat is out of the bag, the next step for several women is to confront their spouse with a myriad of questions, including when and why he did it. So, they embark on their own search for the truth. However, on rare occasions, some men do not feel the need to lie when discovered. Most married men manipulate their mistresses with promises of a future together they do not intend to keep.
They say all sorts of things about their spouse, use the children as an excuse, layout a fake plan to leave their wife, some even talk about eloping just to extend their dalliance. These types of guys are the most common.
On the other side of the spectrum, though, are the ones who follow through with their promises. This category usually includes powerful and influential men, who, despite their love for the other lady, cannot officially make her a wife due to their public status. So what they are unable to do for her in terms of visibility, they more than makeup for in benefits.
From that standpoint, the ultimate display of love would be for the man to make their relationship official by starting a family with her. Not a family he has to hide, but where she gets to take his name and live in their home as his wife. This is often where the bone of contention originates from because, despite their empty promises, most cheats would rather not tamper with the stability they have in their home. The probability of an affair culminating in marriage is so low that it seems almost negligible.
Marriage and Family Therapist Gabrielle Appelebury noted that only about three percent of guys actually marry the women they are in affairs with. That said, leaving his wife and kids for her would be the ultimate of love… or stupidity. By the very virtue of taking a lover outside his relationship , the distribution of his love is already anything but equal.Do men fall in love with their mistresses
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Do married men strongly love their mistress?