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Loving vs. Virginia was barely 53 years ago and interracial relationships have since been on the rise. One in seven U. We caught up with Marisa Peer , world-renowned therapist who specializes in relationships and interviewed three interracial couples who all have varying opinions on what it means to be in a interracial marriage in We asked Peer her thoughts on interracial marriages:.
What can someone learn from being with someone from a different culture or race? You have to learn to make your love more important than your rules. People from a different race or indeed a different religion, sometimes interracial marriages get a bit rocky because we have beliefs we think our partner understands. For instance, in your culture, it might be a big thing to celebrate birthdays and in another culture, it doesn't mean anything.
So you have to have a huge level of understanding of what this means to your partner. There are many cultures that believe that and have conflicting beliefs about how you raise children, particularly when it comes to discipline or religion. You really need to work out early how you're going to do this, how you're going to juggle these two conflicting beliefs or needs.
Are there any cases where marriages don't work because one spouse comes from a different race? Often marriages can seem to go very well and then change when children come along because one spouse has completely different beliefs about how children, particularly girls, should be raised.
And that can be very difficult. In the beginning, we always think love is strong enough to conquer everything, but sometimes it really isn't. The attitude of other people. It would always be other people's attitudes and how they judge you and often they can be very negative. What advice would you give to someone who is ready for marriage with their ificant other, but is afraid that the interracial aspect of the relationship will cause issues?
Talk about everything. Talk to them, talk to friends, get some counseling, find other people in interracial relationships, even online, and ask them what their greatest challenges were. Jessica Jones Nielsen and husband Christian Nielsen have been married for ten years and both work as university professors in London.
Jessica 39 considers herself Afro-Latina and Christian 44 identifies as white from Denmark. What does the word interracial mean to you and how does it pertain to your marriage? The differences in our races are quite noticeable. Because our kids look white we often spend time explaining that they're mixed so that is a consequence of our interracial marriage.
Our daughter Olivia is 4 and our son Elijah 7. What have you found to be the most challenging aspects of marriage with your partner in terms of cultural and racial exchanges. The difficulty is the expectation. I struggled in the beginning, but over the years came to appreciate the different traditions. But if we go to a holiday in the U. Based on societal views, do you consider interracial marriage more or less challenging in ? Jessica responded, "My mom is Latina and dad is from Bermuda and were married in Virginia and suffered a lot of hardship because of their marriage.
When I was two they had to move to California because of consistent racial issues. What have you both learned from being with someone from a different race? Has there been any teachable moments that you guys have created together to form a new tradition? Our kids are more visibly lighter skinned but we stress and emphasize the appreciation of beauty in different skin types because people are so diverse.
There isn't one standard of beauty they should believe in. Christian mentions, "It's more on a day to day basis new traditions. They eat all types of food. They have an appreciation for all foods from our countries. We visit often, showing them where our families were raised and being proud of those places. They know they have very dark and very light family members. Jessica 31 and Cody 34 have been married for two years and currently reside in Atlanta, Georgia.
Jessica, who identifies as a first-generation Korean American, works as a senior human resources generalist while Cody, who identifies as white American, earns his living as a sales executive. I've never thought of it as negative for our own relationship. To me an interracial marriage is the amalgamation of those two things. Jessica is obviously an American, but also a first-generation Korean American. It would be normal in a courting process for my family to get close to them. That is very different from how I grew up. I had to ask Jessica's dad to marry her only after meeting him a few times, which was awkward, but it worked out.
But in bringing Cody to my family, whether it was my immediate family or my extended family, as a first generation Korean American and not having any cousins or siblings getting married before me things were completely foreign. I learned what's traditional and unconventional.
In going through things with Cody, I actually learned what was normal and not in my own culture. What have you learned from being with someone from a different culture and race? If I had imagined the relationship with just Cody and myself, things would be very easy. That made things more interesting. An appreciation for her family and for people that have come to the U.
What advice would you give to someone who is ready for marriage with their ificant other, but is afraid their interracial relationship will cause issues? Those are conversations you should definitely have before getting married. Angelica and Thomas tied the knot in Angelica 34 identifies as Hispanic, while Thomas 38 is from England and identifies as white. Both are finance professionals who live in New York City and have noticed a change in how society views interracial marriages. Based on societal views do you consider interracial marriage more or less challenging in ?
However, that does not mean that the challenge does not exist. This of course is just in America and even then amongst certain racial groups. I would say a lot of pressures come within the family. I grew up with my mother always going on and on that I should never date a Hispanic man for a of racist, stereotypical reasons. I most certainly ignored her advice, but she always seemed to be less critical of white men I dated," says Angelica.
I want her to fall in love with a human that treats her fairly, with dignity and respect whether that be male or female, black, white, Latino, Asian, etc. We view one another as someone we love. I think the elements that make me Latina have more to do with my upbringing than my race. I have always been in somewhat of a limbo when it comes to being Puerto Rican.
He is one of the most open minded, non-judgmental people I have ever met. With Thomas being English, one of the most obvious qualities is his accent. All of his traditions come from how he was raised. On occasion he will walk in to me blasting La India or some sort of salsa.
I also believe this creates a lifetime of getting to know one another. It means we can culturally grow, and actively educate our children to help them understand their identity. For example, learning family histories and combining and even starting traditions, to make many more happy memories. Family can put so much pressure on us in making some of the most important decisions of our lives. I think I would say envision the life you want to live — who is there? Who supports you in this life?
Is therapy something that your partner and family are willing to go to together? My mother and I have never been close for a variety of reasons, mainly because her ignorance keeps her in a place I cannot relate to. Instead, I have chosen my little family my husband, my daughter and my soon to be born son over trying to enlighten my mother. She still has a small presence in my life, mainly through technology via texts or photos , but I find myself more at peace with this form of relationship than our tumultuous one," mentions Angelica.
But always communicate these feelings or concerns you have to your ificant other. What have you found to be the most challenging aspects of marriage with your partner in terms of cultural and racial exchanges? I think the best example of this was when we first met on Bumble. And recently we have been in the midst of searching for a home to purchase and I often pushed him to make inquiries for the simple reason that my last name was Morales and his was Vicary.
Unfortunately, while the intention may not be racist, a realtor is more likely to respond to a male Vicary than a female Morales… I think Thomas did not always understand that since he probably never experienced that type of prejudice. My name change is a big deal for me on a variety of levels. For one, my Latin heritage means a lot to me. However, I have chosen to keep Garcia as my middle name and will also be passing this name on to my son due in April so that he too will carry a part of my heritage.
Type keyword s to search. Gabe Palmer Getty Images. We asked Peer her thoughts on interracial marriages: What can someone learn from being with someone from a different culture or race? Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. Jessica Jones Nielsen. Ivan Botello Photography. Sara DuBoys. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this to help users provide their addresses.
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Three Couples (and One Therapist) Open Up About Interracial Marriage