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By Karen Kline, MA. We like to seem independent and in control, rather than insecure or clingy. Neediness in our romantic relationships hints at an insatiable desire to be affirmed, validated, sought out, and attended to. We tend to think of a needy partner as someone who strains and emotionally exhausts their partner. Not the most attractive qualities. Yet, sometimes our desire to not be considered needy interrupts the more healthy, necessary, and appropriate process of sharing our relationship needs with our partners.
How do we know where normal relationship needs end and clingy behavior begins? The truth is, giving and receiving time, love, attention, and affection in a fulfilling and mutually satisfying relationship means embracing interdependence.
Humans have many needs--food, water, shelter, and human connection, just to name a few. We do need each other, and that can be frightening. When we feel vulnerable and insecure, we often overcompensate. We tend to go hard in the opposite direction to appear independent and strong, thereby missing the joy of relating to each other openly. Recognizing our interdependence is beneficial. We are hard-wired for this type of connection. It is important that you and your partner do some internal soul-searching and thorough communicating as it pertains to your relationship expectations.
Many times, a good connection devolves into disappointment, neediness, and breakdown due to unrealistic assumptions about how partners should behave to make the relationship work. You must both be ready and present to love well. A partner you know is emotionally unavailable, has a history of unfaithfulness, or is generally nonchalant regarding intimacy, may create a relationship environment that is incompatible with your needs.
To get our needs met in a healthy relationship requires self-awareness and effective communication. First, knowing and taking responsibility for yourself is a vital part of eradicating neediness. No one person is responsible for your happiness. You have the power to seek it and, ultimately, share it with someone else. Understanding this makes you much more self-assured, emotionally stable, and capable of developing lasting love.
If you need assistance determining your own goals or struggle with self-esteem issues, talk to trusted family members and friends, or reach out for the professional help of a counselor. You can then improve self-awareness and solidify your understanding of what you bring to a relationship. The ensuing confidence may be a game-changer. Second, knowing how to communicate love and respect, prioritize your relationship despite conflict, and assert your needs without coercion or manipulation, are vital relationship skills.
In truth, most of us need help with them. To avoid neediness or codependence, it helps to have an objective third party, like a couples counselor, highlight and help us through our unproductive communication habits. Most of all, there is no shame or blame in recognizing a tendency toward neediness in your relationship and addressing it.
Finally, understand that neediness is not the worst thing that can happen to your relationship. You can turn things around with support. It will take effort to work through how neediness plays a part in your connection or how the fear of neediness may be creating too much distance between you and your partner. Karen can help you talk about needs with your partner in an effective and productive way, and can work with you to implement healthier communicative habits in all areas of your relationship. To schedule an appointment, call Karen at , ext.
We hope to hear from you. Counseling Services. Online Therapy. Marriage Counseling. Individual Counseling. Infidelity Counseling. Premarital Counseling. Trauma Therapy. Family Counseling for Adults. Life Transitions Counseling.
About RCC Austin. . Consider the following tips to understand the difference: 1. Recognize that Your Relationship Requires Interdependence The truth is, giving and receiving time, love, attention, and affection in a fulfilling and mutually satisfying relationship means embracing interdependence. Willingly Examine Your Relationship Expectations It is important that you and your partner do some internal soul-searching and thorough communicating as it pertains to your relationship expectations. Master Self-Awareness and Open Communication To get our needs met in a healthy relationship requires self-awareness and effective communication.
Are You Ready to Resolve Neediness? Older Post Overcome Sexual Anxiety! Tips to Reclaim Fully Functional Intimacy. Address. Up.Definition of needy in a relationship
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