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Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal Author Ron L. Deal, examines the issues of single parents who date and the complexity of the dynamics of blended families. Dating becomes more complex when there are children involved. Careful consideration must be made not only about who one dates but also why. This is important because two people may work well by themselves but when the kids are involved the situation may not be so great.
Discussion included issues of affection including kissing and hugging and how to avoid giving into sexual temptation. It was suggested that a mentor be obtained to help during times of temptation to help maintain sexual purity. Scripture was provided relating to the importance of sexual purity. In making the determination of readiness in dating, one should make time to reflect upon past dating patterns and .
This will help in deciding whether one is repeating the same pattern over and over again or if maturity has been occurring through the dating process. Where is God in the dating process? Is God being trusted in the process of is He being pushed aside and disregarded. How does the partner respond to the kids and how do they respond in return? These are just some of the questions that need to be considered during the dating process. Timing also. If it is not, then the parent must seek the courage to end the relationship in order to preserve the family unit.
Potential Use for Christian Couples According to Deal , the purpose of dating with God in mind is threefold discernment; does this person share your faith, mutual sacrificial reservation, and the impact on the children of your common commitment to the Lord p. Putting God first in the relationship is paramount to the success of the relationship and couples should share similar spiritual beliefs. Mutual sacrificial reservation is often absent during the dating process due to individual selfishness.
Individuals think about the things that they want such as love and companionship and fail to consider how the relationship will impact the children. Deal also provides scripture to support the advice and guidance that is provided keeping it biblical and on the point. He warns against premarital sexual temptation and provides a purity pledge in Appendix two that a couple can take together.
The author promotes Christian values and principles that could be used by Christian and non-Christian couples alike. This book discusses concerns that not only every Christian who is single has has but every single parent in general. A copy of this book should be required reading for every single parent prior to beginning the dating process. Some people may not realize or believe that dating with children has biblical implications but this book clearly reveals that this is not so. God must be trusted to manage the relationship and maintain the family.
Critique Overall, this book contained valuable information for the single parent looking to begin the dating process. The information provided is realistic and relevant helping single parents focus on the questions and issues that really matter. In the two chapters that covered the topic of fears, several items of concern for the parent and the child is discussed.
Though this section was good and contained many important concerns, it missed an important issue for the children regarding insecurity. Sometimes when single parents feel lonely, they make the mistake of turning to their older children as friends and confidants. According to Weiss , adolescent children who observe their single parents dating, begin to realize that the parent experiences similar concerns regarding dating, sexual issues and romance p. This more realistic view of the parent is further confirmed should the parent decide to make the child a confidant, turning to them for support and understanding.
This loss of security can lead to feel that they must be self-reliant regardless of where the parent is in the dating process. This is especially true if the parent has been already talking with the child about fears and concerns over bills, income, etc.
Another area that needed more attention was that of sexual temptation during the dating process. Though the author did stress the need for sexual purity and the importance of this in a right relationship with God, there was no discussion of how failing to maintain sexual impurity would impact the children, especially adolescent children.
Adolescents are likely to model the behaviors of their parents in their own dating decisions including their sexual attitudes and. Overall, this is a good resource for Christians and non-Christian single parents who are looking to start the dating process. The author makes it clear that the purpose of dating should be to find someone spiritually compatible who can love sacrificially and who would grace your children by the mutual commitment to God.
With the right goals in mind, dating for the single parent can be rewarding and potentially led to an opportunity to create a blended family. It is felt that this resource would work well in combination with other resources. Ultimately, parents need to place their trust in the Lord. References Deal, R. Dating and the single parent. Weiss, R.
Journal of Social Issues , 35 4 , Whitbeck, L. Journal of Marriage and Family, 56 3 , Retrieved February 26, Dating and the Single Parent Critique Dating becomes more complex when there are children involved. Careful consideration must b View more. Comments Please in or register to post comments. Timing also just the individual. Adolescents are likely to model the behaviors of their parents in their own dating decisions including their sexual attitudes and Overall, this is a good resource for Christians and non-Christian single parents who are looking to start the dating process.
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Dating and the Single Parent Critique