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All products featured on SELF are independently selected by our editors. However, when you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission. See, your anus and its surrounding skin have a bunch of highly sensitive nerves that can take you on a pretty wild ride, depending on how your body works. If you do this, it might not be enjoyable, which could put you off something you might otherwise be into.
Plus, it could really hurt. As a sex coach and educator, it brings me great joy to offer up the following tips on how to explore your butt in the safest—and most fun—way possible. Sometimes it might feel like everyone is obsessed with butt stuff. In my line of work, I often speak with people especially cisgender women who are only having anal sex for their partner. So, explore your reasons for wanting to explore your butt. But I really recommend sitting down with your partner beforehand and talking about anal play.
Be open and honest about wanting to try something a little new. It might help to know your stuff before you have this conversation. Read a few articles on butt play. Ask a few experienced friends for tips. Consider coming to your partner with ideas, too. Anal newbies regularly ask me if they need to do an enema before any butt play. Then you can get in the shower and wash your butt with water and gentle soap before engaging in anal play. This is a fact of life. So is the fact that poop is no match for soap and water, and using a condom makes it especially easy to get rid of any anal-induced fecal matter.
The sooner you accept that shit happens, the sooner you can really enjoy anal without worrying too much about a natural substance your body creates. Do not, and I repeat, do not jump into anal penetration with something large like a penis or dildo. Your butt is not up for that challenge. The anal sphincter is the muscle ringing the anus that keeps it nice and taught to prevent poop from slipping out at inopportune moments. It does not naturally expand the way the vagina does, so you need to work your way up to big objects.
Breathe into the new sensation, which can feel a bit strange to start. It can take anywhere from a few minutes to a few weeks of experimenting to figure out if you like the feeling and get used to it even if you do. You can still be in control; ask your partner to keep still and allow you to back up into their penis or the sex toy so you can really get a feel for the whole thing.
For anal sex, lube is an absolute must-have. Your anus does a lot of great things, but that does not include lubricating itself. I recommend using either a silicone- or oil-based lube for anal play. They have great staying power. Oil corrodes latex, which can make the condom break. I know it might take some mixing and matching, but I guarantee that finding the right lube for your anal experience can make the whole process way more fun. No matter what, respecting your own limits is key.
When it comes to your body, you can use gentle body wipes that should be fragrance-free to avoid irritating your delicate skin down there , hop in the shower, or both. You should also thoroughly clean any sex toys you used. Luckily, SELF has a whole guide for getting rid of sex stains , poop or otherwise. Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago.
Follow her on Twitter and Instagram GigiEngle. If you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
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